


Nightlight (Build a Little Birdhouse in Your Soul)

by maychorian



Series: Morning Light [6]
Category: Kuroko no Basuke | Kuroko's Basketball
Genre: Gen, Hurt/Comfort, Past Child Abuse, Platonic Cuddling, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Sharing a Bed, Timestamp
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-08-04
Updated: 2015-08-04
Packaged: 2018-04-13 01:03:02
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,924
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4501833
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/maychorian/pseuds/maychorian
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>After the Jabberwock captain kicks Tetsu through a table, Kagami takes his little brother home.</p><p>(Come Morning Light Timestamp set during Extra Game between Chapter 2 and Chapter 3.)</p>
            </blockquote>





	Nightlight (Build a Little Birdhouse in Your Soul)

They were just bruises. Light bruises, even. Oblong and a gentle shade of blue. Bruises on his back from slamming through those tables when Gold kicked him. He'd cut the inside of his lip, had the wind knocked out of him. But there was no real damage. Just some bruises. Akashi, as well as everyone else, had insisted on seeing Tetsu to the hospital to get checked out, but there had been no need. The doctor had easily cleared him to play tomorrow. Tetsu was fine. They were just bruises.

Bruises on his back.

Everyone was worried. Everyone was furious. But after the hospital, after being reassured that Tetsu wasn't badly hurt, they all split up to return to their respective homes to rest and anticipate the game. Kagami and his little brother went home, too. They sat close to each other on the train, shoulders almost touching. Kagami's eyes strayed to Tetsu's face often. Tetsu didn't look at him. His gaze looked straight ahead, and his face was almost blank. Whatever he was feeling, he wasn't letting it show. They didn't talk.

Kagami didn't ask if he was okay. He wasn't sure he'd get a straight answer. He wasn't sure if Tetsu even knew.

Dad had beaten them home. He'd made his favorite semi-American meal for them, big juicy steaks with seasoned vegetables and rice on the side. It was one of Dad's few successful kitchen ventures, and he was justly proud of it. Kagami and Tetsu both managed smiles and thanks, though Dad had to notice how subdued they were.

Dad was cheerful through the meal, encouraging them to eat up and gain lots of energy for the "big game" tomorrow, where of course he would be cheering from the stands. "We'll get pizza tomorrow night to celebrate your win," he said. "Unless you're too busy partying with your team. We have to do a pizza and movie night as soon as possible, though. Whenever you're ready."

"Sure, Dad," Kagami said, and Tetsu nodded absently. He'd only eaten about half of his steak.

Dad glanced at Tetsu's plate, then met Kagami's eyes for a moment in shared concern. Then he went back to his upbeat chatter, doing his best to cheer them up. Kagami was grateful, truly, but after a while it started to be a bit wearing.

Tetsu didn't tell Dad what had happened between him and Gold. Kagami chose to respect his privacy and not spill the news himself. He didn't doubt that Tetsu would tell Dad eventually. Hopefully before Dad got the hospital bill and had to chase down the answers for himself. Tetsu probably just didn't want to worry Dad with it at such a stressful time. Or maybe he couldn't figure out how to say it, how to explain that once again, he'd been beaten up by a violent brute, knocked around like a plaything, disrespected and disregarded and treated like trash.

Kagami's hand clenched into a fist at the thought. Why did this keep happening? It wasn't fair. Granted, Tetsu had been stupid to seek out those assholes on their own territory, just to ask a provocative question. But he had in no way deserved that kind of response. Why did the universe seem to have it out for this guy?

It made Kagami kind of want to just tear down this universe and start over, honestly.

Eventually, Tetsu asked to be excused. "Is it all right if I don't help clean up? I feel very much in need of a bath right now."

Dad nodded. "Of course, Tetsu-chan. Taiga and I will take care of it. Make sure you get lots of rest."

Tetsu smiled in thanks, smaller and wanner than the usual warm smiles he had for his family, then took his leave. Kagami dragged Tetsu's plate over in front of himself. If Tetsu didn't want his steak, his nii-san would gladly help out.

After finishing the food and the dishes, Kagami moved back to the bedrooms to make his own preparations for sleep. He went into the bath just as Tetsu was coming out already dressed for bed, his damp hair sticking up all over his head, eyes heavy and movements sluggish. They didn't say anything as they passed each other in the hall. Fifteen minutes later, Kagami emerged from the bath, feeling relaxed and soothed and ready for sleep. He'd already dumped his dirty clothes and dressed in fresh long shorts and a t-shirt. He stepped out into the hall, then halted in his tracks.

Tetsu was sitting on the floor, his knees drawn up to his chest and his back to the wall. He was staring at the door to his bedroom. Had he been sitting there since Kagami went into the bath? Kagami went still, trying to figure this out.

Tetsu glanced up at him, then looked away.

Kagami rubbed a hand over his head, swiping some of the moisture out of his hair. "Do you want to sleep in my room tonight?"

Tetsu didn't even hesitate. He nodded. He still didn't meet Kagami's eyes, though.

"Okay." Kagami moved into Tetsu's room and retrieved his pillow. He came back to the hall to find Tetsu standing at the linen closet, starting to drag out a futon. Kagami shook his head and walked over to snag his little brother's wrist.

"Forget that." He shoved the futon back into the closet, then shut the closet door with his foot and led Tetsu down the hall to his room. He put Tetsu's pillow down on his bed, between his pillow and the wall, and gently pressed Tetsu's shoulder until he sat down. He went to his dresser to run a brush through his damp hair and make sure his phone was plugged into the charger, then turned back to the bed. Tetsu was still sitting there, silent, unmoving. His eyes were enormous, but his face wasn't as expressionless anymore.

Kagami sighed, his shoulders slumping. He got it, he did. It really sucked though. "Does your back hurt? Do you want me to get some medicine for you? The pain gel?"

Tetsu shook his head. "I'm fine." His voice was almost inaudible. "They're just bruises."

Kagami shook his head. "No, they're not."

They were more than bruises. Kagami knew that. They were reminders. They were memories. Tetsu's wounds had scabbed over and turned into scars, but they were only a few months old. It still hurt to poke at them. And Gold had done that in the worst possible way, the bastard.

"I'm fine," Tetsu said again, almost tonelessly.

"No, you aren't." Kagami tilted his head and crossed his arms over his chest. "Do you want to stay up for a while and read? I'll get your book for you. Or we could watch a movie on my laptop."

"No, thank you. I truly am very tired."

Kagami bit his lip. "I could make some tea for you, then. Or some warm milk. Are you sure you don't want the hot pad? Or a cold compress?"

"No. None of that. Please, Taiga-nii. I'm just tired."

Kagami narrowed his eyes. Maybe he should bring Dad into this after all. Dad would probably know what to do to help. 

Dad had been doing research. Sometimes he shared things that he learned with Kagami, little tips and tricks on how to help Tetsu continue his recovery. Sometimes Kagami even passed them on to some of the Seirin senpai. They were all getting astonishingly good at supporting Tetsu in his journey of healing.

It really sucked to have all of that taken away in one moment of violence. Or at the very least, Kagami couldn't help but see this as a setback. How was Tetsu supposed to learn to trust again when a stranger who had no reason to mistreat him felt entitled to attack him like this? Just because Tetsu spoke to him, just because he dared to ask a question, just because he had the temerity to be a Japanese boy who loved basketball?

"I'm okay," Tetsu said, soft and tired. He gave Kagami a smile, small but sincere, grateful for his concern. "I truly do just need to sleep. But I didn't want... I didn't want..."

Kagami nodded. He understood. Tetsu hadn't wanted to be alone, knowing what waited for him in the depths of the night. He still had nightmares once a week or so, and while they weren't usually that bad, something like today's incident was sure to throw everything out of whack.

Finally, Kagami sighed, shoulders slumping. "Get under the covers then, if you just need to sleep." He twitched his wrist at Tetsu in feigned irritation. "What, were you waiting for an invitation?"

Another smile passed over Tetsu's lips, fleeting, barely there, and he nodded and slipped under the blankets. He scooted over to the wall and curled up on his side, his head on the pillow Kagami had brought for him, eyelids already drooping. Kagami turned off the light, then got under the covers next to him. He lay on his back and stared up at the dark ceiling.

They were quiet for a long time. Kagami hadn't been quite tired enough for sleep yet, but he'd gone to bed when Tetsu did to make sure his little brother wouldn't be alone with his thoughts and his memories. But as he lay there, listening to Tetsu breathe, the fatigue of the day seemed to build in his muscles and his mind, slowly overwhelming him, and his eyes began to drift shut. It had been a rough day for him, too. It always was when Tetsu made him worry like this.

Right before he drifted off, though, Tetsu spoke. "I'm sorry about this, Taiga-nii." He was so quiet that even lying this close, Kagami almost didn't hear him. He probably hadn't meant for Kagami to hear at all. He probably thought that Kagami was already asleep.

But Kagami's eyes snapped open at once. "Don't," he said.

Tetsu's breath halted for a moment. "Taiga-nii."

Kagami turned his head to look at him, though the dim light only let him make out a vague approximation of Tetsu's features. "Don't apologize. This wasn't your fault." He sighed and looked up at the ceiling again. "Though I don't really get what you were trying to accomplish with that stunt. As usual."

"I just...wanted to understand." Tetsu's voice was soft and sheepish.

"Ah." Yeah, of course. It was the same reason Tetsu had gone to meet his father at Maji Burger, even knowing how dangerous it was. He had wanted to understand, wanted to talk to the man who hurt him, wanted to make sense out of what had happened to him, to them. Tetsu never understood the evil that resided in the hearts of men, despite having been subjected to a horrific portion of it.

"Okay," Kagami said slowly, reluctantly. "I guess we should have expected that from you. But next time, c'mon, you gotta take one of us with you. Me or Aomine or Hyuuga-senpai or Murasakibara or, heck, even Kise. Any of us would be better than you going off on your own for one of these suicidal missions of yours."

"What, you don't trust me to take care of myself?" Tetsu's voice had just a hint of a challenge, almost buried in his weariness.

Kagami snorted. "Not exactly. Not at all, actually. C'mon, Tetsu-chan, you have to admit that it's reasonable for us to worry about you, right? Especially after something like today."

"I suppose." Tetsu's voice was almost a grumble. It made Kagami smile, though. At least he didn't sound subdued and freaked out anymore.

"Anyway." Kagami's chest heaved as he yawned. "Did it help? Do you understand now?"

Tetsu was silent for a long, considering moment. "No. All I learned is that our opponents for tomorrow's game are violent as well as prejudiced. I still don't understand what makes them act the way they do."

"They're just bad guys, Tetsu-chan. There's no answer for people like that. We just have to beat them at their own game, that's all."

Tetsu shifted uneasily. "Yes, but..."

Kagami held still, trying to understand. "What's bothering you?"

"I don't know, it's just..." Tetsu blew out a breath. "A year ago, wouldn't you have said the same about my old teammates?"

"Hmm." Kagami rubbed a hand over his face as he tried to gather his thoughts. 

He didn't much like the Generation of Miracles, even now. They were annoying and weird and arrogant, though they had all improved quite a bit after Tetsu applied his particular brand of ass-kicking. Kagami tolerated their presence for his little brother's sake, and he even enjoyed playing basketball with them, because there was nothing like a seemingly impossible challenge to fire him up. He still didn't really consider them to be his friends, though he was aware that some of them felt differently toward him. Kise, definitely. Aomine, probably. Midorima was harder to read, but it was possible that he had warmed toward Kagami, especially after the situation with Tetsu's father. 

But last year? Kagami thought hard about it, then shook his head. "No, that was different. Your old teammates were all arrogant jerks who desperately needed to be knocked off their pedestals, but they weren't... I don't know. They weren't evil. Akashi swiped at me with scissors, but I'm smart enough to know that none of them would have kicked you through a table. That's...that's an extra level of unforgivable. There's no talking to someone like that. All you can do is beat them."

Tetsu made a thoughtful noise.

"Don't talk to me about Haizaki, though," Kagami added. "He burned all of his bridges with me when he attacked Alex."

"That's understandable," Tetsu murmured. "I still wonder, though..."

"What?"

"I still wonder if he could be redeemed. Jabberwock, too."

Kagami blinked. His instant response was, "No, never," but the truth was that he'd never thought about it before. His world was pretty black and white, when it came down to it. Trust the phantom man, though, to see all the shades of gray.

Could Tetsu's father be redeemed? Kagami didn't know the answer to that, either. He suspected that Tetsu wanted the answer to be "yes," though.

"I don't know," he said reluctantly. "Maybe. I guess. They would have to work really hard for it, though. They would have to prove their sincerity a whole bunch of times before any of us believed it, and even then there would always be some part of me that would wonder if it was for real. The things they did are just... They really pushed the envelope, Tetsu-chan. They crossed too many lines. I can't forgive someone choking Alex, and I can't forgive someone kicking you. Or punching you. Or anything else."

"I know that," Tetsu said softly. "Thank you, Taiga-nii."

"Part of me will probably always be wary of your old teammates, too. Just because they hurt you so bad. I know you forgave them, and you're happy to be friends again, but it's not as easy for me."

"I know." Tetsu's voice was even softer. He curled up tighter, until his head pressed into the side of Kagami's shoulder. 

Kagami sighed. Then he rolled up on his side and wrapped his arm around Tetsu's shoulders to pull him into a hug. "Are you gonna be okay?" he asked. "Will you be able to sleep?"

Tetsu turned his head so his voice wouldn't be muffled. "I think so."

"You were staring at your bedroom door awful hard. What was going on there?"

Tetsu breathed. "I...I'm not sure. I think I was remembering something, but... I didn't want to. I was fighting myself, trying not to let my mind go down that path again, and then you talked to me and it stopped."

"I see." Kagami couldn't help the burst of pleasure in his chest at being told that he had that power, that he could stop the dark spiral of Tetsu's memories just with his voice. He was very glad that he was able to do that for his brother.

But it wasn't really a solution. Over the last few months they had all learned that the best way to help Tetsu heal was not to ignore what hurt him, but to talk about it. Whenever he started to withdraw or he seemed sadder than usual, Kagami or Dad (or, on one memorable occasion, Kiyoshi and Hyuuga) would chase him down and do everything they could to get him to talk about what was troubling him. It had been difficult at first, and more than one attempt had ended in tears, not only from Tetsu.

Gradually, though, they all learned how to deal with it. Tetsu learned how to talk, and the rest of them learned how to listen. It was hard and it hurt, but it worked. Afterward, Tetsu would be lighter and freer, his burden shared and lifted. It didn't matter how much it wounded Kagami and the others to learn, bit by painful bit, just how badly Tetsu had been hurt, and for just how long.

Now, Kagami wanted to leave it alone. Tetsu was exhausted, and they had a big game tomorrow. They should rest. But they had to deal with it before it got worse. Maybe Tetsu would sleep better afterward, too. Even if Kagami might be the one who got nightmares instead.

Kagami let none of his reluctance show in his voice. "You should talk about it," he said firmly. "Then you won't have to think about it anymore. You won't have to fight yourself. Let me fight for you."

"So reliable, Taiga-nii," Tetsu murmured. Then he sighed and went very, very still. "I think it was... It was the worst one."

Kagami felt frozen. His tongue felt too big for his mouth. "The worst... The worst beating?"

"Yeah."

They had talked about quite a number of incidents when Tetsu's father hurt him. The time when he cried because he missed his mother and the bastard shook him until he bit his tongue and bled from the mouth. The time Tetsu was struck so hard he couldn't see straight for five minutes for the crime of bouncing his basketball in the house. They'd even talked about the first time his father beat him, how shocking it had been, how shattering.

But they hadn't talked about this one. Kagami didn't even know how many times Tetsu had been beaten during that hellish period of something like three weeks, something like a month. He knew it was a lot. He knew Tetsu had never had time to heal. He had seen the welts layered over each other, old and new, fresh and raw, bruised and bloody. He'd seen them again and again as he'd tried, and tried, and _tried_ to make them better.

"Why was it the worst?" he asked, barely believing that he was able to say it. It killed him that Tetsu had so many memories of being beaten that he could _quantify_ them, could pick out which one was the worst, which one was the most damaging, which one gave him the most nightmares. "Was it...was it the longest, maybe? Or the hardest?"

"I don't know." Tetsu's voice was barely audible. "It might have been. That's not why, though..."

Kagami said nothing. He could hardly breathe. 

"It was... It was the last one. The last beating. The night before you came over."

Kagami tightened his arm around Tetsu's shoulders. He wasn't pressing the bruises, was he? He didn't think so. He was pretty sure those were lower down on Tetsu's back. Even so, Kagami couldn't lighten his grip. He needed to know Tetsu was safe now, or he wouldn't be able to listen to him describe a time when he wasn't.

"It was the worst because... It happened in my bedroom."

Kagami caught his breath. No wonder Tetsu had been staring at his bedroom door, unable to force himself go in.

"It was usually...in the main room. Father would call me to come to him, and then I would bare my back and kneel on the floor to wait until he returned with the strap. Then he beat me, and when it was done, when I could walk again, I took the strap back to hang it in my closet. He liked making me wait, knowing what was coming, but he also liked forcing me to carry the strap when he was finished with it."

 _Stop it,_ Kagami wanted to say. Wanted to scream. _Stop talking about this. I can't stand it. I don't want to hear this._

He was silent, listening.

"Afterward I would... I would lie face down on my bed, because I was too tired, too hurt to do anything else. And I would try to take my mind away. I would think about basketball, and winning the Winter Cup, and the way everyone smiled. I would remember everyone cheering for us during the Rakuzan match, and I would remember how surprised and encouraged you were, and then how fierce, how strong, how you took us all into the Zone with you and we all played better than we'd ever played before in our entire lives. It didn't really...work. I couldn't take my mind away completely. My body ached too much. But it helped. It definitely helped."

"Good," Kagami whispered. "I'm so glad."

"Toward the end I...I couldn't do much else. I spent my energy in school and at basketball practice, and once I got home I would just go to my room and lie down. I hurt all the time. I just...I ached and ached. And that night, I was so tired I fell asleep. I didn't hear my father come home. I didn't hear him calling for me."

Kagami's breath stuttered in his chest. "Oh, Tetsu-chan..."

"I guess he saw it as defiance. Disobedience. I woke when he crashed into the room, yelling. He tore one of my posters off the wall, knocked some of my books to the floor. And he dragged me from the bed and pulled off my shirt and threw me to the floor, and he got the strap from the closet, and..."

"Okay." Somehow, Kagami managed to hold him even tighter. He dug his other arm under Tetsu's body and dragged him in, close, close, close. "Okay. You don't have to say anything else if you don't want to."

Tetsu's breath hitched and faltered, but it seemed that he did want to. He had to keep going, now that he'd begun. "Up to then, my bedroom felt like a sanctuary. My father didn't trouble me in there... He would let me rest. I had to come when he called, but at least I knew... I knew when I was in my room, that it was okay. I could relax. And then he took that away, too, and I... I think I broke then. I held it together for a while. For not quite twenty-four hours. And then you were there, and I didn't have to hold it together anymore."

 _Poison,_ Kagami reminded himself. This was poison, and they had to draw it out. They couldn't let it fester in the dark, not for a second longer. Tetsu needed to be free of it, and that meant Kagami had to listen.

Shockingly, Tetsu released a chuckle. It was small and wet and breathless, and Kagami's eyes went wide at the sound. Tetsu just pressed himself harder into Kagami's chest and was still. "I can't believe I ever thought that was okay. That I...that I deserved that. That it was...normal, in some way, for my father treat me like that. What was wrong with me? How could I ever believe that?"

"I'm glad you know it's not normal, now," Kagami said soberly. "That makes me really, really happy. But please don't disparage your past self for not knowing any better. It wasn't your fault. You had a bad teacher."

"Oh," Tetsu said. "Yes, I suppose I did."

Kagami drew a shaky breath. "What I can't believe is... I can't believe you came through all of that. That you somehow managed to hold on until I got there. It took me such a long time to figure it out. I never really did figure it out. I had to be right there when it happened, and I can't believe... You're so strong, Tetsu-chan. You're so strong and you're so brave and I'm so, so glad that you are, because... This could have ended differently, you know. It could have... So just... Thank you for being you. Thank you for getting through that, for surviving it, and thank you for coming with me when I asked you to. I thought you might not. I thought you might tell me that you had to stay with your father. I wouldn't have been able to do anything, I would have...

"So thank you for being brave enough and strong enough to trust me, after everything that happened, everything you went through. I remember you said once that sometimes, when your father was hurting you, you would think about how much you wanted to die. Thank you for not giving in to that. You could have. It would have been easy. And my life would be so, so much worse, and it would be for Dad, and all of your old teammates, and everyone at Seirin, too. I'm so glad to have you here with us, instead. You're my precious little brother and you're my best friend, and it terrifies me to think about how close I came to losing one of the most important people in my life. So thank you. Thank you for being strong."

"Taiga-nii..." Tetsu's voice was hushed with amazement. Up until now, his hands had been curled loosely between them, pressed between Tetsu's body and Kagami's. Now he raised a hand, forcing it through the press to touch Kagami's cheek in wonder. "Taiga-nii, you're crying."

Kagami sniffed, hard, trying to pull it back, but there was no point in denying the obvious. "Yeah, of course I am. Who wouldn't be? You just told me about the worst thing that ever happened to you, and it was really, really horrible. I can hardly believe how horrible it was. And yet you're still here. You're okay. You're Tetsu-chan. There's nothing else I can do but cry."

"What a sappy nii-san I have," Tetsu said fondly. Then he sighed and let his hand fall down between them, limp and empty. "I'm the one who should be thanking you."

Kagami made a small noise of confusion.

"Is it really so hard to understand? You rescued me before I understood that I needed to be rescued. You fought for me when I couldn't fight for myself, and you fought and fought and fought. You're still fighting, even now—I know how hard it was for you to listen to me describe all of that. You were my big brother before you were my big brother, and I didn't even know how much I needed one before suddenly, you were already there. You do that _all the time._ Before I understand that I need something, you're already there, giving it to me.

"So thank you, Taiga-nii. Thank you for caring about me, and thank you for fighting for me. Thank you for giving me a home and a family and a brother and a dad. Thank you for feeding me and treating my wounds and embracing me with all the warmth and caring in your gigantic spirit. If it wasn't for you, I would be dead many times over."

Kagami almost choked. "Don't talk about dying."

"Sorry, sorry." Tetsu reached up to pat his head. "I forgot how sappy my nii-san is."

"You were literally _just_ talking about that..."

"Again, again, I'm sorry." Somehow, unbelievably, Tetsu was laughing now. "Forgive me, Taiga-nii. I'll do my best to be more considerate of your feelings in the future."

"You'd better be. And stop thanking me for things I couldn't help doing. You're making this feel weird."

"What, this?" Tetsu asked. "Two high school boys cuddling in a single bed that would be a better fit for one person? What could possibly be weird about that?"

"Shut up, brat," Kagami growled. "You really are the worst little brother ever."

"Sorry, sorry," Tetsu said again. He continued to pat Kagami's head, almost stroking his fingers through his hair. Kagami wasn't sure when this had gone from him comforting Tetsu to Tetsu comforting him, but he was okay with it.

After a little while of just being still and grateful, Kagami finally felt strong enough to release his grip on Tetsu and roll over onto his back again. One arm stayed under Tetsu's neck, though, and Tetsu wasn't at all ashamed about cuddling up on his shoulder. Kagami's eyes were drooping already. He felt spent and empty, but his spirit was light. Hopefully Tetsu felt the same.

"Will you be able to sleep now?" he asked, his voice starting to slur with exhaustion. "You won't dream, right?"

"If I do, I'm sure you'll save me," Tetsu murmured. "Go to sleep, Taiga-nii. Tomorrow is an important day."

"Yeah, yeah. You sleep too, Tetsu-chan. Tomorrow we're gonna show those assholes how Japanese play basketball. It's gonna be great."

"Yes, it will."

They slept. 

No dreams came.

**The End**

**Author's Note:**

> It was actually pretty astonishing that I managed to write 130k+ words of gen h/c without platonic bed-sharing, so here ya go. Fixed that.


End file.
